Lessons from St. Valentine

For those of us who believe in a love that transcends time, distance, and trials, there is no more fitting day to celebrate that love than Valentine’s Day. He was the saint who, by tradition, illegally married lovers, resulting in his arrest and later execution. The story is of interest not only for those seeking to know the origins of the holiday, but also for those who believe in the power of love. Although people mainly celebrate physical love or eros on Valentine’s Day, it is also a reminder that there is nothing that can separate us from the self-sacrificing love of God.

The Legend of Valentine

There are actually several different men named Valentine associated with February 14. Two are probably the basis for the holiday. One was a priest of Rome, and another the bishop of Terni in Italy. Possibly, these were the same person since they lived near each other, lived during the same time, and died on the same day.
In any case, although descriptions of his position vary, most agree Valentine was a church leader during the third century under Emperor Claudius II. According to later hagiographies (lives of saints), Valentine was arrested for illegally marrying Roman soldiers, who could no longer serve in the army once wed. As a reminder of their commitment to Christ, he gave them little hearts cut out of parchment.

While in prison, Valentine converted his jailor after healing his daughter. Afterwards sent to Claudius II, Valentine at first won the emperor’s friendship but then angered him when trying to convert him. The emperor had Valentine executed on February 14, 269, outside the Flaminian Gate in Rome. According to one legend, before he died, Valentine left a note for the jailer’s daughter, signed, “Your Valentine.” He was recognized as a saint in 496 and became highly popular during the Middle Ages in the era of courtly love.

Today, celebration of Valentine’s death has become universal. It is a day when we celebrate, not just one man’s death, but the importance of love to everyone.

The Importance of Love and Marriage

Whether or not one chooses to believe all of these legends, the tale nonetheless presents us with several lessons. The story stresses the importance of marriage and love.

God values marriage. Despite being threatened with jail, Valentine proceeded with marrying couples that came to him in secret, including Roman soldiers. He believed in Christian marriage as a foundation for the community because it ensured dedication to each other and to raising children in the faith. At the time, divorce among most pagans was much more common than among Christians, who believed marriage to be a lifelong commitment.

God seeks faithfulness. Since most marriages were arranged, most pagans kept mistresses, and few saw anything wrong with that. Valentine believed in the importance of loving marital relationships, of which the cut-out hearts were a reminder. He believed in the strength of love. Many have interpreted the note he sent to the jailer’s daughter as evidence he was in love with her, though they never married. The tradition of sending cards and love notes – Valentines – to those we love originated with this legend.

Love and marriage help us overcome trials. Love is extremely important to the resiliency of people, especially people in the military or other occupations where family separation is common. By requiring resiliency training, the military stresses the importance of being able to bounce back after enduring stress and separation. One of the methods of dealing with separation is to remind ourselves of these love commitments and to look forward to being reunited with those who love us. It is a great comfort to know that those who truly love us are waiting for our return.

Love will always triumph. The most important point to the story is that love will always triumph in the end. According to some versions of the story, couples continued to come to Valentine in jail, and he continued to marry them. Love will always find a way. In the end, although circumstances may separate the couples, nothing can separate us from love. True love is enduring, for “Neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord” (Rom. 8:38-39).

The Love of God

Of course, the most important love relationship that Valentine celebrated was the love of God for us and our love for our Creator. Valentine ended up going to his death because his love of God was greater than his love of his own life. He preached to all of those around him because he believed that God loved them as much as God loved him.

Many today are opposed to proselytizing in general as forcing your views on others, but for Valentine, it originated in his love for others. It’s like trying to warn a friend crossing the street that a car is coming, though they can’t see it and may not even believe it’s there. Yet, provided sharing faith is done with mercy and compassion, what greater love can there be than that which wishes to save people from dying without knowing and following the truth.

This is the love that Valentine represented – the love of God for us even when we are yet separated from Him. As Jesus said, “Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends” (Jn. 15:13); Paul wrote, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us” (Rom. 5:8); or as John wrote, “We love because he first loved us” (1 Jn. 4:19).

Our culture’s continued celebration of Saint Valentine’s Day is recognition that we still uphold love as a value worth emulating. This includes, not only marital love or eros, but also the self-sacrificing agape love of God for all of us. Valentine emphasized both, for he understood that the one is a symbol of the other and that by loving our spouses we can glimpse the greater love that God has for us. The example of Valentine reminds us of this fact.